I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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