Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
