So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
