This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
