How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
