My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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