this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's rum buckets o'clock
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
