we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize