yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
