She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
