I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Sorry my hands just texted you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
