I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
