dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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