with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
