i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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