I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
