the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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