Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
