Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
