Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
