there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When did angry sex become our thing?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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