So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize