He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
don't judge my taste in strippers
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
