You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
