Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he fucked my hip out of place.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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