Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize