nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
