It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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