He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
