I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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