Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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