brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just gargled with NyQuil
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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