she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
