I need help removing her.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
