Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
