The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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