One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
