Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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