I'm lost and stupid without you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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