i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
