omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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