I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
