I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
