Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
