wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
