There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
