Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
