Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
