Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
