I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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