dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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