I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
