I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
