see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
