The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
