I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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