I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize