we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
