Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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