she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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