So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
