I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
