youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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