So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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