i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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