Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
