I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize