I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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