My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize