no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
