I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
