I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Shame - the story of my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
