I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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