I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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