Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
