hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
