He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize