Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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