Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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