She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
