We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
