The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
