Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
