You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
pop tarts are not kleenex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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