I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
