If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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