the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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