Little spoons don't ask big questions
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
