I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
