Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
