you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize