Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
