I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
this will be a night to untag.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
