The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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