I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
