my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
