We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
