you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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