and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
