And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize